so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
