Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
