i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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