Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
