He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
