She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
