The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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