just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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