this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
