So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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