how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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