So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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