dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
