I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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