i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
