Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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