But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
