Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
