are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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