More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize