Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
