I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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