I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
