Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
