I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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