Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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