taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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