dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
