Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize