So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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