I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
