I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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