What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
