as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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