This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
