i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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