shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
