okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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