Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
