Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
