I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
