I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize