gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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