it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize