It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize