My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
