Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
