Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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