She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
