Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
