Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
