I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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