i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
