Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
