She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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