I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This baby is an asshole
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
