More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
