how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize