Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
