no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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