she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
