it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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